While cleaning out the attic at Headline Superheroes HQ, we came across a relic from better times, when the air was fresher, the sunlight brighter, and rare earths slightly less rare in the earth.

If you’re irked by novelty souvenir stationery, papal snowglobes, and looming towers of unpurchasable made-in-China Hallowe’en rubbish on Sainsbury’s shelves that are more scary for having been conceived than for the monsters depicted, this item will make you squirm.

And with the Olympics approaching at a speed measured with needless and public precision by a shard-like timepiece in Trafalgar Square, we thought it might now be apposite to pre-emptively draw attention to the excesses of sports-related tat.

Corporate marketing teams and aspiring electronic engineers, behold ‘World Cup sandwich’: a cautionary tale.

Injunctions. Remember those? Those things we thought were scary, before superinjunctions came about. And then those hyperinjunctions, which were worse somehow. And then that David Cameron got involved, trying to score cheap political points by criticising them for being evil instruments of the European Convention on Human Rights.

Now it’s time for the next step on the injunction scale. Meta-Injunction: a gagging order so powerful that even to know its name is to break the law.

Can this legal instrument be stopped? Can the Prime Minister wring political capital out of it regardless? And has voiceover man irreversibly damaged his larynx? Only one way to find out. Watch the trailer for this summer’s biggest blockbuster, before it watches you.

In theatres June 31^st.

An alternative view on the Alternative Vote referendum, from the Headline Superheroes.