It cannot have escaped the notice of puny Earthlings that a NASA six-leg-wheeled laser-toting nuclear insectoid robo-beast (the younger, steroid-abusing brother of Sir Killalot) is sitting at the bottom of a crater, next to a massive mountain, on the surface of Mars.
But, before getting on with any science, the plutonium-powered spider-lab is set this evening to beam will.i.am’s specially-penned choon Reach for the Stars back to NASA, making it the first ever human music to be broadcast from another planet. This bizarre PR stunt is designed to boost Mr. i.am’s already-stratospheric ego into geostationary orbit from whence it will search, sneeringly, for signs of intelligent life on Earth. The transmission, which we hope will be encrypted with appropriate DRM lest any old idiot with a ham radio be able to pirate it, will finally prove the long-doubted principle that radio waves can travel through space even though there isn’t any air. It is, therefore, quite a shame that we won’t want them when they get here.
After playing Reach for the Stars, it is planned that the Curiosity rover will continue its mission and climb every mountain higher, scaling the nearby Mount Sharp in a bid to find interesting rock samples, such as Muse’s Knights of Cydonia, to broadcast back to Earth in place of any more of this hip-hop/R&B nonsense.